thenewnormal-again: A few other pieces of my story and why my Hero is a three letter word

On to a bit more of my story, once again, totally out of order. Flashing forward.

So, after the diagnosis, I began to have several seizures daily. They weren't cute. They were really bad. At this point I was at home. I was drugged up really, really badly...like zombie badly and I got some exciting news that my little brother was going to make the long flight out and see me all the way from Japan.

Pretty sweet news for this zombie-hazed epileptic chick. I hadn't seen him since my wedding 2 years ago - I think. But I was a little concerned for him to see me like this. I was hitting the ground or the couch or the car seat (passenger) or the floor hard these days. And life was not very pretty, I can only imagine how terrifying it had to be to be one of the bystanders watching what I was experiencing. I was kind of afraid for him to see exactly how bad it was. But I really really wanted the company and I was so excited to see him that I didn't care. It was a simple choice.

He arrived. And the rest is a little hazy. He stayed for a bit, and it was around the time of my birthday (end of August if you want to buy me a gift next year) because my dad also came and surprised me for a few days. And it would have been pretty exciting if I
weren't a zombie having 5-7 seizures a day and a side show freak having all of these seizures in front of everyone. My brother held his composure pretty well because I was really struggling with my medication and sleep. I remember waking him up around 4AM and asking him to take me to hot yoga (???your guess is as good as mine!) He would patiently say no and try to explain to me why that is not a good idea, not to mention that it's not open :) LOL

My family rallied. Totally. And they cried, or at least my mom did. And they had no idea what the heck to do because none of them live anywhere near me. My older brother called, he was ending one job and starting a new one and he was in the same boat as the rest. Eventually, one by one, they were all going to have to go home.

First, my dad had to go. He was working part time at the church in SC and at the New Hope Center and he was also building a "small shed" (total joke) - it's a very large building. For some reason he was building this rather large building with his 80 year old father in the August heat in South Carolina. He had to hurry back, so that we could all worry about him and Grandpa!

My brother had to go because he had recently left the air force (on good terms) and was figuring out next steps for his family. It's a big move for them and he had some time to think and relax while watching his sister torn apart by a neurological illness, I'm sure it was very restful :) So he had to eventually return back to Japan and get back to his own reality and try to make some life altering decisions of his own.

My mom had to prepare, because my brother had made the decision that he was returning to the states and needed a home base with my folks in order to plot his next move. He was planning to bring his lovely wife, and 2 year old son to my parents home. And my mom had her work cut out for her to make the house livable for them. Plus she had been a visitor in my home during a very stressful time for our family and frankly without saying too much she needed to give us a little time to adjust. And I also think she needed a little break. My mom had been traveling back and forth from South Carolina helping out quite a few times at this point. And even though I know she wanted to be there I think it was becoming difficult. Plus she knew she'd be coming back and that she'd continue to be a caregiver as often as she could. But she was also still helping to take care of her 100 year old mother. There were a lot of things in the mix, and although my health and life were falling apart there were a ton of variables here to consider. I sound like I'm qualifying, but I'm not.

All of my family stepped up in a major way. They all helped out and pitched in during the worst time. And they all sacrificed during the most difficult time. Which is what you do for family. May not seem to be too remarkable for some, may seem incredible to others, I guess it depends on how you are raised. But I love them and I appreciate all they were able to do for me.

So yes, they are all heroes in my book. And there are more that I will get to specifically: my mother in law, my brother Scotty and my best friends - and some staff from my past and one in particular from my last Y that really tried to stay connected. I'll go into detail later.

So, I'm going to try to get through the 2nd half of my title without crying. But I'm pretty sure I can't. Because, I'm going to talk about the silent hero. And why my hero is a 3 letter word. You see, there has been someone there through all of it. Someone who couldn't escape. Someone who learned to look for the signs and someone who has never-ever left my side no matter how bad things got. I'm guessing a lot of you are thinking -

"Barb -Barbara - Bev

(even though that name was retired)

she's religious she going to say God - that's three letters and He's been there all along." You are close...very good. I cannot deny that God has been there. That is true.

You'd be close.

But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I actually have no idea which older - eh -mature person told me that phrase.

Dog. Dog is my answer. Specifically my dog Chance.

You see, about the time, this all began, Chance paid very close attention to everything that was going on. He learned my behavior before, during and after every seizure. He learned what I did when I felt an aura - remember that's the sensation you feel before the seizure. He's actually sat on my legs when they've started to tingle to see if they were shaking to know if he should go get someone if I was having a seizure. (If someone was home.) My mom could tell what he was trying to do. To this day I have no idea how he knew my legs were tingling.

He doesn't leave my side if I am not feeling well, he finds me, he lays his head on my legs and looks up at me. His eyes always say that he wishes he could make me feel better. He is the most loyal friend I have ever had. Often he's sleeping (he's still a dog!) and will wake up and come to me right before I have a seizure. He is absolutely incredible!

Chance is my hero! He is my friend. He is loyal and kind and I think he has seen more of my suffering than any other living creature. I think he has soaked up my some of my sadness like a sponge. He is a remarkable friend. He is part of my family. I absolutely love and adore him. I would be lost without him. Anyone who has ever said, "It's just a dog," has never experienced anything like this, and has never known the love or loyalty or a dog. Someone once told me dogs know the perfect love, they have no ego, they only know unconditional love. His sweet dedication just pulls at my heartstrings and there are days I don't know how I could have gone on without him.

So Chance, until I teach you to read, (I know we've been working on talking) I'll just have to give you an extra bone until you can read this dedication.

You'll never know how much you've meant to me, that's the hardest part. And one day when you leave us, hopefully far into the future, there will never be another one like you. For the rest of my days I promise that you will hold a very special place in my heart. You are Randy and my first pal together, your Brock's first dog, my seizure detector, you are my friend in isolation and my special hero,

Ok cue the ridiculous love fest picture montage!!